Whirlwin......

the only reason i'm writing this right now is because i want to read it in a few days and see what the heck i wrote....at this point i have only gotten about 7 hours of sleep all combined in the past 3 days not because i chose it that way but because it happened that way unfortunately i guess i can say that last night was definetely the night i got the least amount of sleep about an hour total!!!! now im sitting here at work looking like i'm drunk or something and just a space cadet but anybody who knows me knows that either way i will put on a smile when i have to and just pretend like everything is cool let's see if that works today as planned. lately i've been a freaking rollercoaster of emotions, i'm not saying i'm going coo coo for cocoa puffs i'm saying that i have a ton of thoughts going through my mind as far as decisions go and that gets me all over the place, things always happen for a reason obviously the thing being is that they don't always happen at the right place or the right time, or maybe it's just the fact that it's difficult for me to realize something when it's right in front of my face who the heck knows... lately i've been trying to figure out if it's finally the time for me to make a drastic move and change in my life and the thing is that I AM 4 SURE that this is what i want to do regardless of whether its today or in the next century but the hard part is that is it not only difficult but scary at the same time maybe because i'm an individual that doesnt like change what so ever, but of course when it's a positve outcome coming out of the whole situation then it's well worth it, the only issue is that i'm pretty much stuck between and rock and hard place or shall i say i feel like i'm stuck in a freakin slab of concrete, i'm trying to figure out how the hell to go about doing what i want to do and not creating any drama because the individual is freakin DRAMA central i swear, and i'm like totally done honestly just freakin done with that whole issue with this individual i'm talking about, i guess i've always known that you can't change a person which in anyway what so ever i'm not trying to change anybody because i feel u should accept individuals for who they are, but i do believe that if a person is a freakin pain in the ass and they have issue and just create drama they should change their freakin ways, but apparently i always had the idea that maybe one day maybe one day but nope ive realized that it's never gonna happen honestly never and i can't be the person always there dealing with the drama and having their back 100% because u only live once and at this point i feel like i'm not living my life to the fullest as i do or i thought i was trying to do because i have an individual that i have to pretty much babysit and do everything for i swear i dont think my daughter was that much work as an infant, so now im just totally like f--k it i'm so over this individual and their drama the hard part now is how do u get somebody to leave when they refuse to leave it freakin sucks... on another note i need to take my ass to the gym like on the asap tip because ever since i gained about 20 pounds which pretty much happened over night it seems as because it took like less than 2 freakin months to gain like 23 or so pounds i was like what the freak but hey it was all my fault because i was eating them damn blow pops like non stop and eating a ton of juice and just not worrying about it so that has totally got me in a funk so i need to do some thang immediately to get rid of those extra pounds because it is totally messing with all aspects of my life as far as me not being self confident as i usually am because i look like an oompa loompa in my words and now dont get it twisted it's not as if i grew an extra stomach or rolls or nothing crazy its just that i'm thicker and my freakin face looks like a pumpkin with an extra chin eeewwww ......so yup i am determined to get rid of those extra 20 pounds in the next 2 months the thing is i havent had time to go work out since i've been working like a million hours because i choose to be a hustler, and because i have an individual who by my side that is not ambitious or doesn't contribute towards my expenses and i enjoy having nice things and providing for my little princess whatever she desires and if the person who's suppose to be doing it ain't doing it then i'm not gonna sit around and wait for something to happen that never will, of course unless he won the lotto but what are the odds of that..... i'm just like wow when it comes to girls who are dusty who have dudes taking care of them and i'm like wtf i swear it just comes back down to the fact that dudes prefer dusty girls and they are willing to do everything for dusty girls and not for a decent girl ugh i'm rambling but like i said i'm just writing whatever because i'm like so out of it, n e ways i'm gonna go for now because i honestly dont even know if this whole thing makes sense that i wrote but i was just writing what came to mind not in any particular order or what have you , to be continued.....