HMMMM.........

WOW is all i can say about my life lately it's been full of positives and negatives, and in some crazy twisted way it's been cool. Except for the fact that my aunt passed away yesterday R.I.P. i feel sooo sad for my cousins and my uncle and my lil niece because she was everything to them. But i know she's in a better place now and she will still be watching over them and protecting them. My condolences are with them at this time ;( On a lighter note i've come to realize that even more that things fall into place at the right moments kind of sort of it's hard to explain so i won't get into detail but all i can say is that when you least expect for something to happen in your life it just happens, maybe because it's destined to happen or maybe because it was the right place at the right time who the heck knows, all i know is that i can say that i am actually content with everything at the moment in my life.... o in case everybody isnt updated yet my husband moved out not because he had a choice in the matter and for some strange reason i'm not upset at that what so ever because i think it was something that was gonna happen it wasnt an issue of "if " it was an issue of "when" and now "when" finally came around so here we are, but im not trying to say i'm a mean nasty bitch nah not at all what so ever i'm just saying that it happened because it was meant to happen and it was bound to happen that's all, and for somebody who is use to being with somebody at all times it hasnt been tooo hard for me, maybe because i'm always working or maybe because i just don't care and i know it sounds fucked up me saying i don't care but hey i can't control my emotions or feelings it just is what it is, so i've been on the grind like usual a million hours a day and focusing on myself and of course my princess ;) when i least expected something phenomenal to happen in my life it did and i can't elaborate on it at the moment but all i can say is that i guess things just have a way of falling into place at times, pretty much that's it in a nut shell nothing too exciting to report besides that fact that i have stopped munching on them damn blow pops ;) ahahha i love them freaking things man but the thing is that i get a hold of them and i eat a whole bag in like an hour i'm like a freakin crack feen with blow pops ahahahhahha so the good thing is that i'm not gonna gain anymore freakin weight because of them things a bag of them things are more than 1000 calories it's crazy but hey they are yummy and no i dont know how many licks it takes to get to the gum which u would think i would know by now after eating a lifetime supply of them ahahahah ;) well until next time........

Whirlwin......

the only reason i'm writing this right now is because i want to read it in a few days and see what the heck i wrote....at this point i have only gotten about 7 hours of sleep all combined in the past 3 days not because i chose it that way but because it happened that way unfortunately i guess i can say that last night was definetely the night i got the least amount of sleep about an hour total!!!! now im sitting here at work looking like i'm drunk or something and just a space cadet but anybody who knows me knows that either way i will put on a smile when i have to and just pretend like everything is cool let's see if that works today as planned. lately i've been a freaking rollercoaster of emotions, i'm not saying i'm going coo coo for cocoa puffs i'm saying that i have a ton of thoughts going through my mind as far as decisions go and that gets me all over the place, things always happen for a reason obviously the thing being is that they don't always happen at the right place or the right time, or maybe it's just the fact that it's difficult for me to realize something when it's right in front of my face who the heck knows... lately i've been trying to figure out if it's finally the time for me to make a drastic move and change in my life and the thing is that I AM 4 SURE that this is what i want to do regardless of whether its today or in the next century but the hard part is that is it not only difficult but scary at the same time maybe because i'm an individual that doesnt like change what so ever, but of course when it's a positve outcome coming out of the whole situation then it's well worth it, the only issue is that i'm pretty much stuck between and rock and hard place or shall i say i feel like i'm stuck in a freakin slab of concrete, i'm trying to figure out how the hell to go about doing what i want to do and not creating any drama because the individual is freakin DRAMA central i swear, and i'm like totally done honestly just freakin done with that whole issue with this individual i'm talking about, i guess i've always known that you can't change a person which in anyway what so ever i'm not trying to change anybody because i feel u should accept individuals for who they are, but i do believe that if a person is a freakin pain in the ass and they have issue and just create drama they should change their freakin ways, but apparently i always had the idea that maybe one day maybe one day but nope ive realized that it's never gonna happen honestly never and i can't be the person always there dealing with the drama and having their back 100% because u only live once and at this point i feel like i'm not living my life to the fullest as i do or i thought i was trying to do because i have an individual that i have to pretty much babysit and do everything for i swear i dont think my daughter was that much work as an infant, so now im just totally like f--k it i'm so over this individual and their drama the hard part now is how do u get somebody to leave when they refuse to leave it freakin sucks... on another note i need to take my ass to the gym like on the asap tip because ever since i gained about 20 pounds which pretty much happened over night it seems as because it took like less than 2 freakin months to gain like 23 or so pounds i was like what the freak but hey it was all my fault because i was eating them damn blow pops like non stop and eating a ton of juice and just not worrying about it so that has totally got me in a funk so i need to do some thang immediately to get rid of those extra pounds because it is totally messing with all aspects of my life as far as me not being self confident as i usually am because i look like an oompa loompa in my words and now dont get it twisted it's not as if i grew an extra stomach or rolls or nothing crazy its just that i'm thicker and my freakin face looks like a pumpkin with an extra chin eeewwww ......so yup i am determined to get rid of those extra 20 pounds in the next 2 months the thing is i havent had time to go work out since i've been working like a million hours because i choose to be a hustler, and because i have an individual who by my side that is not ambitious or doesn't contribute towards my expenses and i enjoy having nice things and providing for my little princess whatever she desires and if the person who's suppose to be doing it ain't doing it then i'm not gonna sit around and wait for something to happen that never will, of course unless he won the lotto but what are the odds of that..... i'm just like wow when it comes to girls who are dusty who have dudes taking care of them and i'm like wtf i swear it just comes back down to the fact that dudes prefer dusty girls and they are willing to do everything for dusty girls and not for a decent girl ugh i'm rambling but like i said i'm just writing whatever because i'm like so out of it, n e ways i'm gonna go for now because i honestly dont even know if this whole thing makes sense that i wrote but i was just writing what came to mind not in any particular order or what have you , to be continued.....

I'M BACK ;) AHAHHAHA

SO I KNOW I'VE BEEN GONE FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS AND IT SEEMS AS IF I'VE BEEN GONE FOR AGES.......SO I HAVE BEEN UP TO A TON OF THINGS LATELY I'VE NOT ONLY GONE BACK TO MY ROOTS BUT I HAVE MOVED UP IN THE MORTGAGE BANKING WORLD ;) YIPPIE. SO WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES 2 OR MORE DEFINETELY DO OPEN. AND I AM FIRM BELIEVER OF THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON ANYBODY WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS THAT I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THAT SAYING ;) I'M BACK TO WHERE I STARTED AT GROUND ZERO 10 YEARS AGO I'M BACK IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY BUT IN AN AREA I HAD NEVER EXPLORED BEFORE I'M A TALENT MANAGER NOW AND I'M MANAGING THE ENTERTAINMENT CAREER AND FATE OF MANY UNIQUE AND TALENTED INDIVIDUALS FROM AGE 4 AND UP WHICH IS GREAT I ENJOY IT AND IT'S A SUPER DUPER CHILL SPOT AT THE ACADEMY BUILDING YA KNOW WHERE THEY HAVE THE EMMY'S BLAH BLAH BLAH ENOUGH OF THAT. ALSO WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THE MORTGAGE BANKING WORLD IT HAD TO TAKE ME GETTING F--CKED OUT OF 13,000 U.S. DOLLARS FOR ME TO MOVE ON TO A BETTER PLACE BUT IF IT WASN'T FOR ME GETTING SCREWED OUT OF 13,000 BIG ONES I WOULD'VE NEVER MADE THE MOVE AND NOW I'M EXPLORING A SUPER DUPER CHILL BANK AND HAVE THE POTENTIAL FOR MAKING MORE MULA AND EVEN MAKING MONEY WHEN I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE MONEY AND DON'T GET IT TWISTED I'M STILL KIND OF BUTT HURT ABOUT THE 13,000 BECAUSE I WAS GONNA GO TO DISNEYWORLD WITH THAT MONEY BUT HEY I WILL MAKE IT UP IN NO TIME ;) DISNEYWORLD WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS TIME INSTEAD OF SUMMERTIM, WHICH IS BETTER ANYWAYS BECAUSE THE SUMMER IN ORLANDO IS OUT OF CONTROL ;) I'M SUPER DUPER MOTIVATED AND DETERMINED TO MEET A PERSONAL FINANCIAL GOAL BY THE END OF THE YEAR AND I KNOW I WILL ACHIEVE IT AND I HAVE THE DRIVE AND HUNGER TO DO IT, SO I WILL ACHIEVE IT AND IF I DON'T THEN HEY THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR. IT'S FUNNY HOW WHEN NEGATIVE THINGS HAPPEN IN MY LIFE IT MAKES ME MORE MOTIVATED TO MOVE FORWARD AND I KNOW IT'S KIND OF CRAZY AND TWISTED, I KNOW BUT IT'S LIKE A MOTIVATIONAL KICK IN THE ASS IN A WAY ;) AT LEAST FOR ME IT'S LIKE THAT IN EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE EVERYTIME I'M LET DOWN OR HURT OR WHAT HAVE YOU I ALWAYS STRIVE TO LOOK FOR BETTER IN ALL ASPECTS ;) AHAHHA I'M JUST VERY THANKFUL TO HAVE ALL THE INDIVIDUALS THAT ARE IN MY LIFE THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING HAS ALL FALLEN INTO PLACE IN A BEAUTIFUL AND TIMELY MANNER ;) I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHERE THESE NEW OPPORTUNITIES TAKE ME, I'M GLAD TO BE THE TYPE OF INDIVIDUAL TO TAKE A CHANCE ON NEW OPPORTUNITIES...........

4 THE LAND OF THE FREE

4TH OF JULY 4TH OF JULY what a great day this is for what it means to me and hopefully to everybody else who lives in this wonderful country ;) the 4th of july is a great day for barbecues and fiestas and usually i'm there when i get invited to go to a party or get together, but today i was skipping to the beat of another drum i stayed home all day and hanged around the pad ;9 maybe its cuz i;m getting old aha hahha, but nah i just wasnt feeling leaving the pad plus i had too many invites, not that im trying to brag or anything, i just didnt want to go to one place and not to another because i felt bad about not attending the other party and it was just too much going on so home sweet home it was ;) plus i love loungin around the pad ;) but i did go to see the fireworks at the mall like i usually do every year i couldnt break that tradition no no no i was going to break it ahahhah and it seemed as if there were a lot more people there this year than usual hmmmm maybe its just me thinking that but i swear there was a ton of people there i typically park in this one spot behind zpizza and nobody ever parks there and even those parking spots were taken this year WOW i guess somebody told somebody about the secret parking spot ahahha or maybe it wasnt a secret to begin with ahaha but yeah the fireworks started late and i was getting annoyed and they were okay but i've seen it better the years before or maybe i'm just being blah so my perspective on things is just blah who knows on another note the traffic was horrible getting out there dude ugh annoyance so i'm like hmmm i'm gonna go hit up mcdonalds while the traffic dies down and i go through the traffic in the parking and lot and get to mc d's and the freakin place was closed WTF r they 4 real? closed at 9:45pm that doesnt sound right i guess it was good because i didnt eat that crap ugh i dont like mc d's i just eat it when i have to because theres nothing else around or in this case because i was hungry and wanted to wait for traffic to die down ugh whatever i finally made it out there and then tried ot go hit up a real place to eat and by the time i get to the restaurant i have such a horrible headache i'm like forget this madness from all the traffic and nonsense ugh anyways that was the 4th in a nutshell for me i hope everybody else enjoyed themselves and were safe ;)

WHAT CAN I SAY

well there's not much to report here for the past couple days i've just been loungin around the house and watching t.v. and sleeeping a lot so not much to report kind of boring except that i've been doing some soul searching and looking at the positives and negatives of everything and what it has done is brought me to the conclusion that i do love being in the mortgage business i just need to be in the mortgage business in a different aspect i need to get into a 9 to 5 banking job where i don't have to deal with headaches or crazy phones calls at 10pm or 6am at times where my cell phone number is undisclosed but only for people who absolutely need to have it ;) so what i'm focusing my efforts on now is looking for a job still in banking but in either financial services, or loss mititgation or asset management and i know either one of those positions i will kick ass ;) because i already have all the training under my belt from the mortgage bizz and i know that it will just help me in my new venture so now my focus has shifted now i'm saying forget the big commission paychecks with a cardiac every 2 days now i'm just gonna focus on a fixed salary that will provide me with peace of mind and no cardiacs ;) and i'm not saying that i'm not gonna keep on being passionate about my job becuase wherever life decides to take me at this point i'm open for change and i will work as hard as i always do and give it my all a million percent and be productive, efficient, and hard working as i always am and anybody who has worked with me in this mortgage bizzz knows how much effort and sweat and soul i put into it and have seen how i revolve my life around my mortgages, but now let's see what happens i will keep you updated i've been doing something i haven't had to do in a very long time the past couple days putting a resume together and cover letters WOW i haven't had to do that since i worked at washington mutual back in the day ;) but what i do want to do is thank all the realtors that have been here beside me this whole time and clients who have put their futures in my hand and how they believed in me and how we accomplished a lot of home ownership dreams throughout the past years and who knows i don't want to be negative but maybe i will have to continue doing mortgages if i don't get into one of the positions i am looking for, and some of you might be like what is she for real?? and yup i am a million percent for real i decided that my sanity and peace of mind and being able to sleep at night and not gain weight uncontrollably because of working 24 hours a day is not worth it in the end no matter how much money it is and i know that i will succeed in my new venture or succeed in my current venture if that's what my fate is...... stay tuned ;)